


White Rabbit

by Kalloway



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Terrible Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-02-01 04:30:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21377707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalloway/pseuds/Kalloway
Summary: The whole mess was Cloud's fault anyway...
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 23
Collections: The Lemonade Cafe





	White Rabbit

**Author's Note:**

> March 6, 2006. For Brit: _"You'll kill me for this... Seph ends up in Wonderland, and finds a 'white rabbit' aka Cloud. I'm thinking along the lines of for some unbeknown reason, Cloud has bunny ears, a fluffy tail, and is running around. Seph finds him in the Lotus forest, and hilarity/crack and or smut ensue. And somehow work in Seph only having fun with Cloud, if he can catch him."_

Well, Sephiroth decided as he wandered through what seemed to be the most bizarre forest he could even imagine; apparently the whims of the fangirls were worth catering to.

Oh, he was fairly sure that he could teleport right back to that bar underneath the Coliseum and give both Persephone and Hecate a piece of his mind. But Cloud couldn't and since he'd been sent to a strange forest filled with giant flowers and stair-like trees with no obvious way out, Sephiroth took it upon himself to assume that Cloud was wandering somewhere amongst the dark canopy as well.

The whole mess was Cloud's fault anyway - Cloud had tried to say that there were no liplocks specified in his contract but that hadn't been the answer those two giggly dark goddesses had wanted.

But the entire poof-and-vanish bit? That had been Hecate. All because the two goddesses had underestimated just how shy Cloud could be when it came to being groped in public.

Jumping up onto one of the surprisingly flat trees, Sephiroth hoped that a slightly higher vantage would help in his search. Normally he could find Cloud just by feel, but the forest had some sort of jumbled energy of its own that proved more confusing than anything.

And then he saw what looked like a doorway. Or not so much a doorway as a hole.

Easily leaping over to the hole, Sephiroth stepped through. And instead of the forest, Sephiroth realized he was standing midway on a wall...

"I should have just kissed him," Sephiroth muttered, wondering exactly how it was that he was standing perfectly sideways on a wall that seemed to be about a hundred times bigger than it should be.

In a fit of curiosity, he walked to the edge of the wall to where the floor seemed to be and tried to jump onto it.

"Yeah, I tried that too," a voice behind Sephiroth said after the General had attempted to look around and make sure that no one had witnessed him spectacularly falling on his ass.

He wouldn't have been overly surprised had the voice belonged to one of the goddesses come to taunt him. But no, as he got to his feet, his dignity left him entirely to skitter under a painting and hide as Cloud was treated to outright laughter from his lover and superior officer.

"Apparently Persephone took the 'fucking like bunnies' part too seriously," Cloud deadpanned. "Look, it's not that funny!"

"No," Sephiroth replied, clutching at his stomach as he was trapped in another fit of laughter at the way Cloud's long, white ears twitched to echo annoyance. "It is that funny."

Sephiroth's dignity poked out from under the painting for a second before settling back under and grabbing a good book. It was going to be awhile.

"I was going to say that I'm fairly sure that those two are watching us and if - if we make like bad doujinshi they'll zap us back," Cloud said. "And that I'd at least be willing to try that theory out. But not while you're laughing like that."

And with that, Cloud stalked, quite quickly Sephiroth noted, off towards the painting that Sephiroth's dignity was still residing beneath. It squished a little when Cloud first stepped on it, but after a second, Cloud dropped straight into the painting and vanished.

"Tail..." Sephiroth managed, hoping to compose himself fairly soon if only to begin a long, internal debate about what position would please the goddesses. Of all the stupid situations that Cloud managed to get them into, this had to be the most ridiculous - with the most possibilities.

Grabbing his dignity a few moments later and offering it a bookmark, Sephiroth jumped into the same painting, not at all surprised to find himself back in the forest. It was just one of those days.

"He's kinda silly looking to begin with," Sephiroth rationalized out loud. "That fit of laughter was well-deserved, anyway. He has a tail, too. Besides, literal curses are funny. Yet I seem to be unchanged. That's good - messing with the seme is never a good idea."

Somewhere, a pair of yaoi fangoddesses were squeeing loudly, watching intently as Sephiroth continued his search.

A little over an hour later, as Sephiroth was becoming more and more willing to see if a bit of gratuitous masturbation would appease his captors after a little over an hour of thinking of the various ways he could fuck Cloud, he happened to see a bit of fluffy white peaking over a giant mushroom.

He cheated. At least Cloud had always told him that teleporting was cheating. He didn't particularly think so, since all was fair when it came to battle. Teleporting was certainly a bit of an advantage, yes, but it wasn't cheating.

Besides, he'd stopped laughing. Cloud should be willing to test that theory out. Else he'd definitely be ready to try masturbating for freedom.

Wait, he could teleport. He didn't have to worry about his freedom. He'd just been bailing Cloud out, again (and yet Cloud was the one who complained about the teleporting, of course).

They'd probably just send him back, perhaps with a literal curse.

Fairly sure he'd look ridiculous with bunny ears, in the same way that Cloud looked ridiculous with bunny ears, his dignity reminded him that sex really was the best option.

In a split second he had Cloud beneath him, the surprised soldier-bunny a little too surprised to do anything other than moan into a deep kiss and bring his hands up to wind into Sephiroth's hair.

"You cheated," Cloud muttered a minute later when they broke apart enough to speak.

"I stopped laughing, at least," Sephiroth said. "They're actually kinda... cute."

"Don't say that or I'll be stuck with them," Cloud cautioned, his voice cracking for a second as Sephiroth shifted a bit to reveal what a good hour of thinking about gratuitous, graphic sex had done to his body.

"No, I'm sure it's just a temporary curse," Sephiroth said. "They're fake - you still have your real ears, after all."

"I do?" Cloud asked, his hands in no position to actually reach up and check.

Well, Sephiroth reminded himself, he'd wanted a puppet who liked to suck his cock, not a research scientist. Those just gave him the creeps.

"Yeah," Sephiroth said softly before licking the outline of one of Cloud's ears, pausing to toy with the little silver stud that penetrated it. Yep, he had sex on the brain. Even his dignity agreed.

Trying not to think too much about the fact that they were being watched, Sephiroth managed to coax the clothing off of Cloud, leaving the blond sprawled naked with his hands bound with one of his own belts to the giant mushroom.

Sephiroth hoped that said giant mushroom wasn't blocking any of the view while still catering to the fantasy at hand. He knew, of course, that he should have gone into cinematography but as a research experiment and ward of the state, he hadn't exactly had much choice when it came to career planning.

As he undid his own pants with the hope that he could get away with a stereotypical fully-clothed-other-than-his-cock scene, Sephiroth closed his eyes and hoped that the fangoddesses could view his inner monologue.

Lube. Small tube or so, right front pocket. Please? If you dare give him a self-lubricating anus, I'll teleport back there and find a nice bar wench to screw. Don't tell me that wouldn't squick you...

He reached into his pocket. The lube was there. At least they worked fast.

"Seph..." Cloud began, cut off by losing the total inability to make any non-moaning noises as Sephiroth put the lube to use by slipping a pair of fingers into his body. "Ah!"

With the hope that he wasn't blocking too much of the action, Sephiroth took the tip of Cloud's erection in his mouth, slowly licking it before sucking lightly, trying for the sort of show that both Cloud and the rest of the viewers at home could enjoy.

Not letting Cloud get anywhere near close enough to completion, Sephiroth pushed his own pants down just enough to free his arousal and quickly put a layer of lubricant on it. Pausing, he decided to have a little fun with the situation and started stroking himself, leaning back in case an upward angle was being used for the particular scene.

"Seph?" Cloud asked, wondering why suddenly he was being ignored in favor of the trees.

"Fangirls," Sephiroth replied. "The fangirls are watching us."

"I don't care," Cloud said quickly. "Just..."

"Right."

The noises Cloud made between initial penetration and when he'd finally settled deep within Cloud's body were always worth it, anyway, Sephiroth decided. They were delicious and quite likely sparkled, the sort of noises that couldn't even be written phonetically for letters would not do the sounds justice.

And really, at that moment Sephiroth decided he didn't care much about the fangoddesses or even those silly ears Cloud had that were bumping against the giant mushroom. He pulled back and thrust, amused at the high-quality lube he'd been given and also how easy it was to bring Cloud close to the edge with just a few deep thrusts and one well-placed hand basically just moving with their combined bodies.

Trying to hold onto his own climax until Cloud had come, Sephiroth wished he hadn't spent a good hour thinking about the heat of Cloud's body and how badly he wanted to be in this exact position. Thankfully Cloud came quickly after that, allowing them both to share bliss. And lacking anything in terms of an extra towel and not quite wanting to play the inner monologue game again, Sephiroth hoped that his show of licking Cloud's stomach clean was enough to let them return safely.

Of course, there really wasn't any difference until about five minutes later when Sephiroth had managed to get a shivering Cloud back into his clothing. That's when Cloud's ears dropped off, revealing themselves to be attached to a white headband.

"Huh?" Cloud reached around. His tail seemed to be sewn to his pants.

Sephiroth started laughing again but thought better of it. He just teleported them both back to the bar.

"Excellent cinematography," Hecate greeted them with. "We had you on the big screen."

Sephiroth's dignity ordered hard liquor.

And Cloud looked at Sephiroth before sighing and kissing him.

"Yay!" Persephone paused with her knitting needles in the air. "What? I multitask. I'm knitting Hecate a sweater. Black."

Sephiroth pulled Cloud out of the bar.

"Come drink with us again!" Hecate called, her raspy voice echoing into the night.


End file.
